Posted in Nerdy Products
May 4, 2018

12 Things I Learned from Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve been playing Hogwarts Mystery since its release date, and while I’m still in the midst of my first year, here are all the things I’ve learned during my witchy education.

1. Snape really is just a grumpy dude and probably should have become something other than a teacher.

I thought maybe his years of teaching had jaded him and that he felt a particular anger towards Harry and everyone associated with him, but really Snape is just a jerk who hates kids. (Disclaimer: I love Snape and have a tattoo in his honor.)

2. Resting takes energy.

This is one of the better mobile games when it comes to the amount of time and opportunities to regain energy. However, I think it’s funny that sometimes my character wants to “take a break” and has to use five energy points to do so.

3. You really do just have to tell the Sorting Hat what house you want to be in.

Fan theory suggests that Harry only got into Gryffindor because he asked to be, and that only a true Gryffindor would be ballsy enough to do so. Hence, it’s likely that Gryffindors are only sorted into the house because they ask to do so. However, I asked to be in Hufflepuff, and what do you know? That’s where I am.

4. Hogwarts has never been a safe place for children.

Seriously guys. Don’t believe the lies they tell you. In my first weeks there, I was entangled in Devil’s Snare, and everyone keeps talking about the Cursed Vaults. Why do we need Cursed anything in a school?

5. Dueling isn’t okay except when it is.

Seriously. It’s against the rules, and yet my prefect just dueled with me for funsies, and even said she’s recommend me as prefect in the future because I kicked her ass.

6. Everyone is the same height between the ages of eleven and eighteen.

Either my prefect is short for her age or I’m tall for my age. But so far I haven’t met any older characters, aside from adults, who are taller than me.

7. Merula Snide has the fuglist effing hair I’ve ever seen.

I really don’t get why she thinks she’s hot shit.

8. I’m actually the best witch at Hogwarts.

I don’t care what Merula says. I always have to demonstrate and tutor everyone in Charms class. Clearly, I’m gifted.

9. Everyone has a smart friend, a not obviously brave Gryffindor friend, and a cocky enemy.

Shout out to my homies Rowan and Ben. Merula can suck it. She’s not nearly as cool as Harry’s cocky enemy, Draco. However, Ben is a Muggleborn mirror of Neville, and Rowan is like a Ron/Hermione/Luna combo – eager to be my bestie, super freaking smart, and a little weird/very gentle.

10. If you’re vaguely evil in Harry Potter, your name will say so.

I’m sorry I can’t stop talking about that biotch Merula, but come on. Merula Snide. Bellatrix Lestrange. Draco Malfoy. Very creative. Also, not sure if I’m being sarcastic when I say that.

11. The DADA teaching position has always been cursed.

I thought it was just something from Harry’s time, but my girl Penny, the most popular eleven-year-old at Hogwarts, told me otherwise. Which brings me to my final point…

12. Dumbledore is kind of a jerk for never giving the DADA position to Snape.

Snape has been angling for this position at least since the 80’s, when this story takes place. Maybe Dumbledore knows the position is cursed and is just looking out for Snape’s best interest, but come on, dude. Even if he’s kind of a jerk, he’s brilliant, and maybe he’d be nicer to the students if he got the job he really wanted.

Anyway, I love this game, and I’ll certainly keep playing! Have you played so far? What are your thoughts?


Disclaimer: This post is unsponsored. All gifts are from GIPHY.

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